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When the writer had no words… #LoveBlog2018

The Five Love Languages, the buzzword of the dating and married worlds. A best-selling book if not more, and a highly followed podcast. Plenty of testimonials from people saying knowing a partner’s love language saved their relationship. And there’s me, a writer who had no words. I had no doubt my own love language was going to be words: as a child and teenager, words were what hurt the most, and I have never felt loved or appreciated by my family because, while they would brag about me to others, they wouldn’t say anything to my face. I can’t remember any situations in which my parents told me “I love you”. You could shower me with small kind gestures, but unless you tell me so I would just assume you are kind and would do that for anyone, and it’s not a special treatment that you reserve for me. I thought it would be easy to end up with someone else whose love language is words. I’m hardly ever speechless, and I can turn a small thing into a grandiose piece of writing with relatively no effort. That’s what writers do. There was only a limited number of circumstances where I didn’t really know what to say, and that was prayer.
“I cannot make speeches, Emma…If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more” was never something I ever thought I could say. Like the poets and orators of the past, I can talk about love and talk about it a lot. I even managed to pen a rather long love letter to Robin Hood, the fox! When words are your thing, to realise you can be speechless is unsettling. Now I know what Mr Knightley, always my favourite of Austen’s gentlemen, meant. One thing is to talk about love. Love the abstract concept. Love the feeling that has sustained humanity through the darkest time, romance and charity, love as a theological virtue. I can give you a one hour lecture off the top of my head about God as love and the trinity. I know all about the theory of love. But now I know what it means to love someone so much you can’t talk about it. I have been infatuated before, and I could have penned a magnum opus about how I felt, and how I have never felt like that before, and could never feel like that again (until the next time when I felt like that). I never imagined what it would be like to be speechless, and only have words to say that you are speechless to express the extent of how you feel. When the words of the poets will not suffice because of how many times people misused them (and you’re the worst of them all). I’m a romantic in the literary sense of the word. I really feel like I was born in the wrong age, because I would have loved to pose for Gainsborough and I’m dreamy just like that. I’m often more Marianne Dashwood than Emma Woodhouse. Yet, words fail to convey love in the ordinary. After years of being in love with the idea of love more than I was with any of the people that crossed my path, except maybe for one, it was the ordinary, the unglamorous and the difficult which left me speechless. It was in the least romantic of moments which I knew what the promises people make on their wedding day truly mean, and why anyone would ever want to promise that to someone.

 

Today’s post was part of the Love Blog Challenge 2018, on the topic of “The 5 Love Languages”.

Meet your co-hosts: Brita from Belle Brita White woman with brunette ponytail, hot pink glasses, hot pink bag and white dress sitting on a bench in front of deep green grass in grey wood and hot pink background

Brita Long is the pink and sparkly personality behind the Christian feminist lifestyle blog, Belle Brita. While her first love will always be Paris, she lives happily with her husband Daniel Fleck in the Atlanta area.


Susannah from Simple Moments Stick White brunette woman smiling against a blue backdrop, wearing a grey t-shirt and ethnic necklace

Susannah is a small town living, simplicity loving, stargazing mama who lives in the Pacific Northwest. She spends her days loving on two precious little boys and one amazing man. She chronicles the way she is reclaiming simplicity in motherhood and marraige on her blog, Simple Moments Stick.

 

 

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4 Comments

  • Reply Mardra

    When I read the book years ago, I was surprised a bit that language didn’t rank “higher” because affirmations from my family and friends are super important to me, too. Yet, I need those affirmations more as a sign of respect, and respect of what I do and try to do. That’s the writer side of me – The writer me is always short on appreciation. 🙂 Ah well. But from my Love, love – I’m Eliza Doolittle “Show me…Show me!”

    February 1, 2018 at 8:42 pm
    • Reply Alessia

      That’s very interesting. I wonder if somehow the test “knows” us better than we know ourselves, as in we expect to really tick in a certain way because of what we have experienced but in fact what makes us tick for real is something we didn’t even know we need.

      February 5, 2018 at 1:47 pm
  • Reply Brita Long

    I love your abstract musings on love. Words of Affirmation is my love language too, but I know what you mean about how the words don’t come like you’d expect. I wrote so much poetry in my teens and early twenties. A lot of it was bad, but some of it I’m still proud of today. Most of it was inspired by loneliness and unrequited crushes. When I met Dan, I stopped writing poetry. I’ve certainly experienced great pain in the last few years, but none of it has moved me to write poetry.

    February 1, 2018 at 9:51 pm
    • Reply Alessia

      <3 You shared some of the poetry in a past LoveBlog, didn't you? I'm pretty sure I have read it and I know what you mean about the inspiration from unrequited crushes. Somehow returned feelings make the whole thing feel too normal for art (I've always been persuaded that great art comes from sadness, but not tragedy that creates real grief, so unrequited crushes and rejection are where it's at).

      February 5, 2018 at 1:44 pm

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