On Monday I introduced the April Blogging Challenge saying I was looking forward to being challenged by the topics chosen by my fellow challengers. Little did I know that today’s topic was going to be about first dates. I’m the single and never married one of the trio, but I don’t really do dating. I go on what people would call dates on occasion, but it normally works out like “I was wondering if you wanted to go for drinks sometimes” “Sure” and that’s about it. As casual as it gets. My best date so far was not a date, although in hindsight we agreed to consider it one, and it was ice-skating at Winter Wonderland, although another great one involved a boat on the river in Oxford.
I’ve never really thought about what an ideal first date would be except that I like men who make me laugh and I consider it a success if I can have a flowing conversation and feel comfortable around someone, given the amount of insecurity I carry as baggage. I don’t necessarily care to be kissed on a first date because I don’t trust someone to want to see me again more or less because of it, I’ve actually been ghosted by the very people with whom I thought the dates were a success and found myself progressing after dates I thought were disastrous and I couldn’t see why they would like the person they saw that day.
So since now I’m forced to think about it, here’s what would make an ideal first date for me. I’m honestly a bit over the typical safe bets of coffee, brunch, lunch, dinner, drinks or for those who fear nothing to talk about the cinema. I know it’s possible to plan something thoughtful and creative in those scenarios, and if someone can do that fair enough, it’d still count, but the regular version is something you do when casually hanging out and I want to talk about an actual date. The kind you don’t just ask about “going for drinks” but actually going on a date, and then surprise.
I see dates as being more about proving the person that you care about them enough to see whether there is potential for a romantic relationship than just hanging out to go through the various background questions on where you grew up and your studies. As I’m a bit old fashioned I like the idea of being on the receiving end of the organising, but I’d happily reciprocate as time goes on. I want the plan to be something cute and fun and creative, but something that shows they know what makes me happy and they care about making me happy. Once one is past the casual hanging out bit, even if they aren’t yet exclusive, I’d like to see a bit of effort to make me feel special rather than just another girl you’ve had the same drinks with in the same bars. It doesn’t have to be anything big, or fancy, or expensive: my ex took me to the Eagle and Child because he knew how much I love C.S. Lewis and Tolkien. It’s now a mid-range chain pub.
As a blogger and avid social media user there is no excuse not to know at least one thing I really like. Believe it or not I have never seen Jane Austen’s house, despite just how much I love her and she inspires me. There are so many historical buildings I haven’t seen, but anything that I would love will do. It may appear from what I’ve said that I would rather have a day setting that a night one, but not necessarily. I just prefer daytime activities because they are open ended and give a chance to spend a long time together to see just how much potential there is. If the guy takes me to Disneyland Paris I will propose on the day tho, so maybe not that… Regardless, my ideal date is something that makes my eyes sparkle. If I have to be with someone I want to be with someone who looks at me like Colonel Brandon looks at Marianne when she’s happy.